Showing posts with label divorce lawyer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce lawyer. Show all posts
Friday, January 13, 2017
New Year, New Resolution (Methods):
How Collaborative Divorce is Changing Divorce and Child Custody
When someone realizes that they are facing a divorce or custody dispute, they often face a moment of terror. Not just because there are now major questions looming as to how they will divide their assets or see their children, but because of the images it conjures up. Many immediately think of the tall, dark, imposing wooden panels of the courtroom walls; the stern, gavel-banging judge deciding their fate; the watchful eye of the gallery staring down the parties as their lawyers shout objections and witnesses burst into tears.
Fortunately, most of these images come more from a poorly written episodes of “Law & Order” than from reality. Even if a divorce or child custody disputes do proceeds towards litigation, typically the family court does not involve any of these sensationalized components. It’s more likely to involve modern facilities, a lack of gallery, limited objections and, frankly, I’ve never seen a judge bang a gavel once. There are, however, plenty of tears.
Nonetheless, the idea of something as personal as a separation from your spouse, or the custody of your children, proceeding in court can (and to some extent probably should) be a little terrifying.
In essence, in the traditional litigation process, a party appears in court, where they will sit quietly while someone they barely know (their lawyer) argues the facts and circumstances of their life to a person who essentially does not know them at all (the judge), who ultimately decides how they live the rest of their life—both financially and with regard to their children.
Many of the decisions in family court will be made without the parties even being present, and when they are, much like traditionally good children, they are preferred to be seen and not heard. All of this isolation from the decision making process can be quite terrifying for parties. In some ways it is even more terrifying than the specter of the dark wood panels and booming echoes of the stern Judge’s words off of the walls. It is for this reason, over the years, many parties have sought to find an alternative means of dispute resolution to assist them with their divorce and child custody matters.
One of the newer movements in alternative resolution in family law is the use of Collaborative Law techniques.
Collaborative divorce has been cited in several studies as offering parties an alternative to traditional litigation which is more confidential, faster, and potentially less expensive than the traditional path. More important to the parties themselves, I believe, is the fact that they are active participants in the collaborative divorce process.
By design, the collaborative divorce process focuses on the parties’ goals and interests, and their ability to work with one another, not just to finalize an initial agreement but also in the long term. Often the parties will have many years of co-parenting ahead of them, and a collaborative divorce can help them to communicate better, allowing them to address minor issues which may arise over the years without the need to lawyer up and run to court.
So What is Collaborative Divorce? Visit my website or keep an eye out for my next post to learn more.
For more information about collaborative law, or other means of dispute resolution, please feel free to contact me at 412-261-9900 to schedule a consultation. You may also contact me through my website at www.uncouplingpittsburgh.com.
Please note that commenting on this blog or otherwise electronically corresponding with Attorney Myers does not create an attorney/client relationship.
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
WHICH HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS?
With Thanksgiving arriving next week, and Christmas, Hanukkah and
a host of other holidays just around the corner, I wanted to recirculate last
year’s holiday post, updated slightly.
Though another year may have passed, it rings just as true.
On the Simpsons, Helen Lovejoy is often quoted as saying, “Will
someone please think of the children?” I think this is a particularly
appropriate sentiment during the holiday season. For families who have not been
“intact” for some time or others who are going through transition, often the
stress of the holiday season, coupled with the additional stress of new living
circumstances, makes the holidays particularly trying.
I find clients who are transitioning to their new lives find the
first holiday season to be particularly difficult. Everyone faces stresses
associated with the holidays in the form of decorating, baking, buying
presents, making merry and balancing budgets. Those facing the new world of
contemplating whose Christmas festivities the kids will attend and what holiday
traditions can survive the transition have it particularly hard.
To those of you who have already worked through these issues, and who know exactly what you will be doing this holiday season, where the kids will be over their break, etc., I commend you on the efforts that had to go in to finalizing these arrangements and making peace with the new schedule.
To those of you who are just facing these challenges for the
first time, I wanted to share some thoughts.
1) Helen Lovejoy was right. We should be thinking of the
children. The holiday season, Thanksgiving and Christmas break…these are
magical moments for them and getting bogged down in the stress or fights over
exactly how they will be spent detracts from that magic. Even if you are not so
foolish as to try and discuss these issues with your children (which is
hopelessly inappropriate), your stress still shows and they’ll still pick up on
it. First off, never, ever, ever talk to your children about difficulties that
you’re having making holiday arrangements, or tell them you’re sad that they
won’t be there with you Christmas morning or anything of the like. They’re your
children, let them stay that way. The world is going to do enough to disavow
them of their innocence and hope; don’t speed up the process.
2) Do talk to somebody. Separation and divorce are incredibly
stressful and emotionally painful experiences. Going through them alone and
maintaining some degree of self and sanity is nearly impossible. Talk to your
friends. Talk to your family. Talk to your priest. Talk to your therapist. Talk
to somebody. Anybody—(except your children). You can talk to your lawyer, too,
but it’s best that you rely upon them for some education on your legal rights
and responsibilities and not the emotional issues. We bill at a higher hourly
rate than therapists and we’re never covered by insurance.
3) You should talk to your co-parent. Now that you’ve talked out
some of the emotional pain that goes with trying to navigate these new issues,
it’s time to talk to somebody else, and that’s the other person, the person
with whom you’re sharing custody of your children, not just for this holiday
season, but for the rest of your lives. The sooner you can work out a schedule
for how holiday custody will work and where the children will be over their
break, the sooner you can close this chapter and move forward with actually
enjoying the holiday season.
Not everyone can talk through their issues in a reasonable, productive manner. They may have to turn to lawyers or to the Courts for help. Let me assure you of two things:
1) There is emergency Motions Court on December 22nd which
will be filled with almost nothing but last minute motions trying to resolve
Christmas custody disputes; and
2) You do not want to be there.
Please make the effort at resolution. If you can’t talk it
through between yourselves, perhaps you can try mediating, or having your
attorneys negotiate, but I assure you, you do not want to be litigating where
your child eats dinner or opens a gift.
Divorce or separation from the parent of your children will be
hard. Nobody can make it easy. Talking to the right people, learning the right
information, and addressing your outstanding disputes in a timely manner will
make it easier.
There is no cure for the hurt, but there are many proactive things you can do to try to minimize how that impacts you and your children and how you navigate the co-parenting relationship moving forward.
In all likelihood, you will share custody of your children. It’s
almost a guarantee that you will share custody on the holidays. It will be
necessary to make new traditions and work on moving forward. The better you do
that, the more positive lessons you teach your children about how to work with
others, to manage your emotions and hurt, and to move forward in a responsible
manner. As I said above, life will do plenty to eat away at your children’s
innocence and hope. Don’t help it. What you’re doing now is teaching them the
skills to deal with those upsets that will happen in their own lives.
Teach them well and enjoy the holiday season.
Friday, August 5, 2016
CHILD CUSTODY - What the Heck is Generations - Or, How a Custody Action gets started
As
I have mentioned before, one of the very common issues that comes up as part of
the uncoupling process is how to address custodial arrangements for any
children born of the parties’ relationship. To be honest, that statement doesn’t
actually cover all of the possible custody actions in Pennsylvania. Obviously, children don’t necessarily have to
arise out of relationships that would come with other uncoupling issues.
Further, there can be custody actions brought by “non-parents” like step-parents,
grandparents and anyone who stands “in loco parentis” (which basically means that
they discharge the duties of a parent regardless of their actual biological
relationship to the child).
In
any case, to the extent the parties are able to do so, it is considered
preferable to be able to work out a custody schedule between themselves. While they will need an attorney or the court
system to confirm the schedule by way of a written Agreement or Order that gets
filed with the court, working through it together not only saves on time,
expense and frustration, but also helps to start a healthy co-parenting
relationship from the very beginning.
However,
not everyone is so fortunate, and they must proceed through what in Allegheny
County is called the “Generations” process.
In
Allegheny County and across the state, the entire custody system is set up with
the fundamental goal of being able to reach settlement of the parties’
outstanding issues without the need for a trial. Your custody action may
go on for a very long time before you are entitled to a final hearing.
This is by intentional design in hopes that providing the parties with some
education and compelling them to attempt to work through their issues, there
will not be a need for a formal hearing.
Here
in Allegheny County, the process in place is called the Generations
Program. In Westmoreland County it is the CHILD Program. Different counties have different names, but
for the most part they all boil down to two components.
Once
you file a Complaint for Custody you will receive, from your respective
court, a “Scheduling Order.” This Scheduling Order directs that each
of the parties (and, in some cases, the children) must participate in the
court’s custody process. This process typically includes an education session
as the first step. It has always been
my strong belief that a little information can go a long way in forming the parties’
expectations and their ability to work through issues together. It seems that the
court system shares in this belief.
This
court-ordered education session lasts for several hours. In Allegheny
County, it includes the parents as well as children between the ages of 5 and
15. The requirement for children to be involved varies from county to
county. You should always consult your local rules before making
assumptions as to whether or not the children will be involved in this process.
However, across the board, the idea is that the education session
provides the parties with information regarding how physical and legal custody
work, the types of decisions that they need to make together, and that they
must share input and information with
regards to their child. In general, it reinforces the idea that while you may
no longer be an intact family, you must still function as an intact parenting
unit and work with each other for the betterment of your children.
It
is generally understood that it is in the best interest of children that their
parents be able to cooperate with one another and to share custody, both
physically and legally.
In
addition to being scheduled for the education session where they get some of
this co-parenting background, the parties will also be scheduled to appear for
a mediation session. In some counties, the first session includes the
attorneys, but here in Allegheny County, it is only the parties that appear for
the mediation session. They come unrepresented and meet with a mediator
who assists in trying to engage in dialogue to help them resolve their
outstanding custody issues. They will have the opportunity to present
what schedule they would like to see, why they are opposed to the other side’s
schedule, what issues can be worked through to try to resolve these
differences, etc.
If
the parties are able to reach an agreement through mediation, this agreement
can be memorialized and executed by both of the parties as a final agreement as
to custody. If they don’t reach an agreement, they will continue to move
through the custody process which I will discuss in my next post.
If
you found this post to be helpful or if you have any questions, please feel
free to comment, post, share, like, etc. and visit www.uncouplingpittsburgh.com
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
Friday, May 20, 2016
Same Sex Divorce - What we know So Far
Two years ago today, on May
20, 2014, the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania ruled
in the case of in Whitewood, et al., and
determined that same sex marriage would now be recognized in the courts of
Pennsylvania. As of that date, despite the fact that it was not yet
nationally recognized, the state of Pennsylvania determined that they would extend
the right of marriage to same sex couples throughout the Commonwealth of
Pennsylvania.
The opinion issued by the
court, which is linked below, (http://www.pamd.uscourts.gov/sites/default/files/opinions/13-1861.pdf) went
on to state that Pennsylvania, in addition to recognizing same sex marriages
performed within our state, would also recognize same sex marriages from other
states. This would mean that any same sex couples would have all of the
rights, and also the responsibilities, that came with traditional marriage,
including, though not specifically enumerated in the opinion, the right to
divorce.
It would be more than a year later, specifically on June 26, 2015, until the
Federal Courts, by way of the Supreme Court opinion in the case of Obergefell v. Hodges, would determine in that these rights should be
extended nationwide. It seemed that this
very emotional, complicated issue of same sex marriage had been rather
succinctly resolved by the courts.
However, neither the Supreme
Court’s opinion nor the State of Pennsylvania’s opinion spoke much about same
sex divorce. The fact of the matter is that most people do not
generally enjoy discussing divorce. Thus, it is probably not a
great surprise that when issuing this ground changing legal precedent, that the issue of what
happens when a same sex marriage ends never made its way into the courts’
opinions. Same sex divorce, however,
has made its way into our courts, and with it comes a host of novel issues
which have yet to be resolved through either legislation or through court
precedent.
In the case of a same sex
marriage, one of the most difficult questions to determine is what is the
actual date of marriage? The actual date that the same sex couple became a legally recognized
couple has been subject to a fair amount of argument in this burgeoning
area of law.
Let’s look at a hypothetical
situation:
Let’s say we have same sex
couple who met in Pennsylvania in the early 1990’s, dated for a period of time,
and began living together in 1994. Then, in 2005, the couple traveled out
of state to New Jersey to obtain a civil union and then returned to
Pennsylvania.
On exactly May 25, 2014, just
a few days after the Pennsylvania court’s May 20, 2014 decision, the couple
decided to become legally married in Pennsylvania. And on June 26, 2015,
the Supreme Court said they were married in all 50 states now.
Then, in May of
2016, the couple separated.
So When Did They Get
Married??
The federal government has only
recognized same sex marriage for a period of eleven months, but Pennsylvania’s
May 20, 2014 ruling allowed this couple’s marriage vows to take place in
Pennsylvania on May 25, 2014, and be legally recognized and recorded like any
other marriage.
However, the hypothetical
couple’s civil union in New Jersey began ten years prior to their legal marriage in Pennsylvania.
Further, the date they began to reside
together as a couple, in 1994, predates their legal marriage by another decade.
There is no real answer to
this question yet; because there is no prevailing case law, the question
remains to be answered.
Did the couple marry on June
26, 2015, when the Supreme Court recognized same sex marriage? Probably
not.
The states have the right to
afford greater protections and rights to their population than those afforded
by the federal government. Basically, the federal government’s rules and
rights, etc., are your baseline. The states have a fair amount of
latitude to expand upon those federal laws, and considerably less latitude to
infringe upon them. As such, June 26,
2015 would not be the couple’s date of marriage, given that Pennsylvania’s
right to issue an earlier ruling on same sex marriage occurred on May 20,
2014.
Did the couple marry on May
25, 2014, after the Pennsylvania Courts ruled in the case of Whitewood?
This date was when the
Pennsylvania Court recognized same sex marriage and
permitted the issuing and recording of same sex marriage licenses.
However, in the case of our hypothetical couple, they were together for more
than twenty years prior to the state’s ruling. Does that count for
anything? The case of Whitewood also gave full faith and credit to marriages
occurring in other states stating “and already married same sex couples shall
be treated as such.”
So did this couple’s marriage
begin in 2005, since they obtained a civil union in
New Jersey?
This date may not be right
either because in Whitewood, it states that there will be full faith and credit
to “already married” same sex couples. It does not say civil unions, and it does not say
domestic partnerships. If one looks to the laws of New Jersey, they have,
at various points in time, recognized domestic partnerships, civil unions, and
same sex marriages. Each of these is a separate legal animal, and none of
them automatically converts to the other.
So…can Pennsylvania give full
faith and credit to a New Jersey civil union, and treat that as the date of
marriage? Maybe. Some courts have done this, though I think a
technical reading of Whitewood does not extend that far, which leaves this
issue unresolved.
Finally, did the hypothetical
couple potentially marry back in 1995, when they began living together?
Again, this is a maybe.
Historically, Pennsylvania recognized
common law marriage, i.e. people are married if they held themselves out to the
world as “husband and wife.” Obviously in this case we are talking about
“husband and husband,” or “wife and wife,” so is it possible that it should
still hold true?
While the divorce code
amendments of 2005 directed that common law marriage would no longer be
recognized going forward, there was no prohibition on looking back on common
law marriages that came into effect prior to the 2005
amendments.
Is this perhaps what should
be happening with same sex marriages? Maybe. But again, the
fundamental issue is this: Is it even
possible for two people to hold themselves out in a husband and wife like
manner, when the right to be husband and husband, or wife and wife, did not
exist for them? Heterosexual couples who decided to act as husband and
wife, but not solemnize their marriage, had this other option. With same
sex couples, this option did not exist. Again, this would only be
applicable in a situation where the parties’ relationship predated the 2005
divorce code amendments, and the relationship existed for a duration of more
than ten years.
What happens with
relationships that existed for less than ten years? This is an excellent
question, because nobody knows for sure at this point. Many arguments
have been made that the courts (in their efforts to effectuate economic justice),
should look to the period of time that the parties were in a relationship, but
not yet in a legally recognized marriage. Of course, this opens the can
of worms for heterosexual couples who had resided together for long periods of
time prior to actually getting legally married to argue the same thing.
However, there is a factual and a legal argument to be made that the two are
not analogous, since the heterosexual couples would have had the right to get
legally married had they so chosen.
So when did they get
married?
Over the years, I am sure
this area of law will continue to develop and ebb and flow, but for now, there
are a lot of unanswered questions. We will keep you posted as new case
law begins to develop, which hopefully will not take very much longer.
If you have found this post
to be interesting, please feel free to share it, and to like my page. I would love to hear your thoughts in the
comments section below.
Thank you.
www.uncouplingpittsburgh.com
Friday, May 13, 2016
DIVORCE - Making Ours Mine - Division of Assets in Pennsylvania
One
of the issues that comes up in all most every divorce and in many separations
is how to divide property that parties acquired during their
relationship. Unfortunately, if this relationship was not a marriage, it
can be very difficult to figure out how to distribute jointly titled vehicles,
homes, and other assets and it may involve numerous separate actions to address
these items.
If
the parties who are uncoupling were married, the Divorce Code sets forth well-established
rules and guidelines for how to divide those assets that they acquired during
the marriage through a process that we call “equitable distribution.”
Many clients I meet with are surprised to learn that, in Pennsylvania, assets
are not divided equally. While they may be, it is not an edict that
everything is distributed 50/50. The court engages in an analysis of
numerous different factors to determine what division would be equitable under
the circumstances and tries to “effectuate economic justice between the
parties.”
What
does that mean?
I
recently came across a very good quote out of Miller v. Miller, 783 A.2d
832 (Pa. Super 2001) which describes it as follows:
“The methods by which divorcing parties
effectuate economic justice are familiar and well settled. The process of
equitable distribution is an exercise in martialing, valuing and dividing the
marital pot in a fair manner. Not every piece of property can or should
be split in half. Sometimes one spouse is entitled to more property than
is the other. In some instances, the sale of property must occur so that
each spouse can receive his/her rightful amount. In other instances, a
spouse may be allocated a specific item of property and the other spouse will
receive cash or credit for his/her share in that same item.
In all of these scenarios, whether the property
division is done by an agreement of the parties or a Court Order, the goal is
the same: to take the assets of the marriage and divide them in such a way as
to effectuate economic justice between the parties.”
So,
what have we learned from the above quote?
Frankly,
we learn a lot from this little quote. First off, there are a lot of ways
to “skin the cat.” Not only will no two people’s cases play out exactly
the same (so just because it happened in your buddy’s divorce doesn’t mean it
is going to happen in yours), but it may also be that no two assets in the
marital estate are divided the same.
The
courts do not go through the list of marital assets and divide every single one
50/50.
One asset
may be offset against another, i.e. “you are keeping the house, so I am keeping
the checking account.”
Or
some assets may warrant being skewed more in favor of one party than the
other. So, your overall division of the marital estate might be 50/50 but
somebody might get 70% of the fair market value of the property that they
inherited two years before separation but retitled in joint names (see my prior
post with regards to the “Transmutation of Assets”). Since the other side
didn’t really do anything to generate this asset, this skew in favor of the
inheriting party may seem more “just” to the Court.
As
stated in the above Miller quote, a
big part of the equitable distribution process is to identify the assets and
liabilities that are in the marital estate and determine their values. If you don’t know all of the assets or their
values, you may need to engage in discovery, which is a topic I am sure I will
get around to discussing at some point.
Thereafter, the Court would move forward with dividing these assets in a
manner that seeks to effectuate economic justice.
It
is also important to note that it is well within the authority of the Court to
order you to sell off your belongings. While they are generally not
looking to have you fire sale every item you have acquired in the course of
your marriage, it may be necessary for a piece of the marital estate to be sold. Simply because one party may desire to
retain an asset, if it is not economically feasible, it may be ordered to be
sold by the Court, even over your objection.
All
of the above issues will depend upon the Court’s analysis of what we call the
“equitable distribution factors” set forth in the Divorce Code. There are twelve
different factors that the Court can take a look at to decide the fairest way
to divide assets between the parties. They may look at the length of
marriage, the incomes of the parties, one party’s contributions to the marital
estate as a homemaker, what separate assets either party might have beyond the
marital estate, etc.
The
Court’s analysis of these factors as applied to the specific facts of each
individual case dictate how the Court fashions its award for equitable
distribution, which, as stated, may be an equal 50/50 division, but may
not. Again, like with all matters that fall into the Family Court, the
determinations that are rendered are usually very fact specific and the change
of one of the characteristics about a party or their marriage may have a significant
impact on how the marital estate is most equitably divided.
Again,
if you are contemplating divorce, for more particular guidance with regards to
how your marital estate may be divided, you should consult with an attorney who
can review the history of your marriage and the assets that comprise the
marital estate to provide you with more specific advice unique to your
situation.
If
you found this article to be helpful, I ask that you please share it and “like”
my page. As always, if anyone has any questions or suggestions for follow
up topics, please comment below.
www.uncouplingpittsburgh.com
Friday, April 15, 2016
DIVORCE Should I Stay or Should I Go Now: A Legislative Update
Some of you may have read my prior blog posts regarding establishing separation and how that can affect your rights to support, custody, equitable distribution, and ultimately, a Decree in Divorce.
As I mentioned in those posts, in Pennsylvania we have what we call a two-year waiting period. What this ends up meaning is if one spouse wants to have a divorce and the other does not, the parties must be living separate and apart for a period of at least two years before the court has the right to issue a Decree in Divorce. For example, here in Allegheny County you cannot even have a meeting with the judge and start talking about the distribution of your assets until that two-year mark has been reached. (Obviously, this is not true in cases where you want to work together to try to reach a resolution, mediate, collaborate, etc. You are free to discuss these issues at any time. This is one of the advantages of pursuing resolution of your matters outside of the court context).
For a very long time, there have been concerns that this two-year waiting period is not necessary, and that it needlessly prolongs the divorce process and otherwise makes things longer, more costly and more difficult for the parties. It should be noted that the separation period used to actually be three years and was moved down to two sometime ago. There has, intermittently over the last several years, been a push to try to reduce the two-year waiting period to a one-year waiting period. A one-year waiting period would be more consistent with many of our neighboring states, some of which require only six months between separation and when the court has the right to enter a Divorce Decree. House Bill 380 was introduced to reduce two-year waiting period down to one.
This legislation was proposed in the House and was approved by the House after which time it moved into the Senate. As of last week, the Bill was approved by the Senate’s judiciary committee, with only one of the fourteen votes being against it.
It is anticipated that the Senate is going to have a full vote on the fate of HB 380 in the near future. Under the terms of the Bill, it would be effective sixty days after its passing. So, the waiting period could be changing soon. The potential of changes to this waiting period may be something you wish to consider, when determining whether or not it is in your best interest to separate at this time.
I will keep you posted as to when this goes to a full vote and may be signed into law. For now, the two-year waiting period remains, but this may not be the case for much longer.
If you found this helpful, please like my page and share this post with others.
Thank you.
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
CHILD CUSTODY - Who's the Boss? An Introduction to Legal Custody
When
most people think about custody, they think about where their child is going to
be, with whom and at what time.
This
first kind of custody that most often comes to mind is what we call physical
custody. It is the actual schedule that dictates with which parent (or
grandparent or in loco parentis person) a child will be with at a particular
period of time. The physical custody components may include rules for
vacations, holidays, when and where you meet, etc.
However,
as most folks know, there is a whole lot more to raising a child than just
showing up somewhere. That is where we get to the second type of custody
that people don’t think about nearly as often.
This
second component is what we call legal custody. There are a lot of
different ways that parties can divvy up the physical custody time with the
child: equally shared, shared, primary, partial, visitation, supervised,
etc. These are all terms that have to do with the amount of time a party
has with their child.
Shared
legal custody is, in some ways, much more simple and, in other ways, much more
complicated.
There
are only two answers with shared custody: yes or no. The answer is going
to be “yes, you are sharing legal custody” in about 99.9% of cases.
Unless someone is currently incarcerated or has habitually been just a raging,
uncooperative pain in the ass, legal custody is typically shared.
So
what is “legal custody,” you ask?
Legal
custody is, in essence, decision-making rights. While you needn’t agree
on the most minute of issues with regards to your child (i.e. skim milk or 2%
milk?), you are expected to be on the same page for the major, life-altering
events such as education, religious upbringing, medical decisions and the like.
These
major decisions tend to trickle down into some smaller ones. For
instance, what type of activities your child will participate in, will they
play travel baseball, who is going to be responsible for getting them there,
etc. Some of these smaller decisions, as far as participation in
activities, can have major impacts on what your physical schedule looks like.
It is very difficult for a child to spend weekend time with one of their
parents if weekend time is being eaten up by going out of state for travel
sports events. Deciding to commit your child (and therefore, your-co
parent) to these types of activities is part of legal custody. Neither parent should be making decisions
that significantly infringe upon the time spent with the other parent over the
other parent’s objection or without their knowledge.
If
you are sharing custody, a child’s participation in sports or other activities
is likely going to affect both parties’ custody, and they need to be on the
same page before anyone starts signing Johnny up for baseball or even talking
to him about whether or not he would like to play. Grownups need to be
the ones making the decisions here, and simply because a child says he would
like to do something doesn’t mean that is the definitive answer if the other
parent is not in agreement. It’s also
not fair to tell your child they can do something before having this sort of
conversation with the other parent.
Similar
ideas apply in medical situations. If Johnny is on his way to the ER with one
parent, the other parent should be called. They should know what is going
on as it is happening, not days later when you get around to it. Even more
routine doctor visits should be discussed between the parties, at least until
they work out a system of how those are handled. You probably both don’t need
to be standing in the pediatrician’s office for every single well visit, but you
ought to be on the same page as to who your child’s doctor is, how to get ahold
of them, and when your kid needs to go see them.
As
I have mentioned previously, you can end your relationship with someone as your
partner, but you cannot end it as co-parents. You need to be able work
together to address the decision making aspects of raising your child
together. There are some ways to work through these, be it through
co-parenting counseling, mediation sessions, or perhaps even voluntary parent
coordination. However, as more and more parents are sharing custody of
their children, these legal custody issues are coming into play in front of
judges in Motions Court when parties can’t work through disputes. I can
assure you this is not anything that the court likes to see.
In
my next post I will discuss how counselling, mediation, or parent coordination
can help you work through these issues before you end up in Court.
If
you found anything in this post to be helpful, I ask that you please like the
post, share it with others, and like my page.
Thank
you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)